One of the most important parts of my job—especially this time of year—is helping students make sense of the decisions they’re getting from colleges. But I’ve found that the real work often starts long before those emails hit their inboxes.
Over the years, I’ve realized how crucial it is to guide students toward healthy expectations. That doesn’t mean lowering the bar. It means helping them see that admissions decisions aren’t a measure of their worth, their work ethic, or their future potential. I tell my students that there are a lot of factors going on behind the scenes that they can’t control—things like institutional priorities, shaping a class, or financial aid budgets (more on that in a future post). What they can control is how they approach the process: Did they challenge themselves? Follow their interests? Submit thoughtful, authentic applications?
At some point, I usually share a phrase I grew up hearing on the farm: “The hay is in the barn.” In other words, you’ve done the work. The rest is out of your hands.
With that in mind, it helps students to understand the types of decisions they might receive—and what those decisions actually mean:
1. Accepted
This is the easiest one to process, obviously the one we’re hoping for, and hopefully the most common! A student has been admitted, and if it’s a school they’re excited about, that’s worth celebrating. But even here, we talk about fit. Just because you can go somewhere doesn’t mean it’s automatically the best choice. There are still financial, social, and academic factors to consider.
2. Deferred
This typically happens if a student applied Early Action or Early Decision. A deferral means the college isn’t saying yes or no—they’re pushing the decision to the regular round. It can feel like limbo, but I encourage students to see it as a second chance. If the school remains a top choice, it may be worth sending a letter of continued interest and updating them on any new accomplishments.
3. Waitlisted
This is the one that confuses people the most. Being waitlisted is not a rejection—it’s more like a “maybe.” Colleges use waitlists to manage enrollment and keep their options open. Unfortunately, being waitlisted doesn’t always mean much movement. I tell students to accept the spot if they’re still genuinely interested, but emotionally, it’s smart to shift your energy toward schools where you’ve been admitted.
4. Denied
This one stings. No matter how prepared a student is, getting a denial hurts—especially if it’s from a dream school. This is where expectation-setting matters. Students need to understand from the beginning that admissions decisions are often unpredictable, especially at highly selective schools. And again, I remind them: it’s not personal. If they pursued their passions, gave it their best, and applied thoughtfully, they have nothing to regret. It’s not about what they lacked—it’s about what the college needed this year.
Final Thoughts
Helping students understand these decisions—and more importantly, helping them separate their identity from those outcomes—is one of the most human and impactful parts of this work. Our goal isn’t just to get them into college; it’s to help them grow into self-aware, grounded, and resilient young adults.
And no matter what the decision says, the hay’s already in the barn, as they said on the farm.
